A Personal Note

I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.

I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley.
I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.

 

sonic-the-hedgehog-2-casino-night-zone-boss-robotnik

A lot has gone on within the last six months. I will post more about that on my personal site. http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com

However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.

I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.

th

 

 

Going on in March

I am very happy that many people are liking my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Rebekahquinne
and liking this blog. . .

I hope to post a few pieces this weekend.

What is going on. . .

  • I have been helping friends with babysitting and remodeling their house when I am not writing.
  • I’m also very addicted to coffee.
  • However now I am working not one but two projects. They are quite the opposite in style. I would call one an erotic thriller, and the other a bloody epic tale.
  • I also am trying to discipline myself to make sure I write something everyday and get to post on this blog at least once a week.
  • I’m also trying to read and research more.
  • I have been and I still am working on recovering from some personal issues. It’s been a rough six months. I hope to write a story or two from it.

I’m giving myself daily goals. . .

  1. Excerise daily (whether it’s you tube or just a walk)
  2. Write something everyday
  3. Read something everyday
  4. Eat better

 

People Series: Non-Supporters: Non-wr

3. Non-writers

They are those who don’t usually read or write very much unless they have too. They avoid it like a plague, and they have no idea why writers and readers enjoy it so much.

They don’t understand why you are writing so much. . . the list is really endless. . .

  • Therapy
  • Enjoyment
  • You love to tell a good story
  • You feel connected to your character
  • You have a talent for words
  • Expression
  • You feel you need to write as much as you need to breath
  • The list goes on

They feel writers sometimes make no sense and are in a book or the computer way too long. It’s like an artist trying to explain a Picasso painting to a chest player who only see logical strategies and numbers.

A writer sees the world in a different way than those non-writers. They see the world as a story to be told or idea to be expressed. They are an artist with words as their paint.

Not all Non-writers, are non-supporters, but some just cannot relate. I have been asked “How can you sit the computer so long?” or “You really just wrote 2,500 words in the last three hours, how?”

I can sit at my computer and type and write and read like a video gamer can sit in from the TV or computer screen and play for hours at a time.

What gets me when is when a non-supporters: non-writer is completely against writing/reading.

The ones that put me down: with gut-punching quotes. . .

  • “You write or read too much.”
  • “It’s not steady or stable.”
  • “You are NOT out doing something. . .”
  • “You are wasting time on the computer.”
  • “Why aren’t you living your life?”
  • “Have you gotten a REAL job yet?”
  • “Why are you ignoring everyone?”
  • “You really think you are going to make a lot of money doing that?”

They kind of mix in with questioners.

Remember a novel does NOT get finished in one night. It takes time and dedication. It’s a lot of work to write, edit, rewrite, and edit. . . that is even before getting it in a publisher’s hands.

 

Most writer’s do NOT make millions and do NOT become super famous over night either. They should have some kind of support, because it hard to get out there.

People Series: Non-supporters: Questioners

2. Questioners.

They are people who keeping asking questions about your work and when you plan to get publish that they start to make you doubt yourself. Then you start to question yourself.

  • Is it really stable to make money writing a book?
  • How long do you think it will take?
  • Did your editor get all of your mistakes?
  • Are you sure you going to finish this?
  • How many publishers have you talked to?
  • Are you sure you want to do this with your time?
  • Are you sure you enjoy this?
  • What is is about?
  • Haven’t vampire, werewolves, ghosts, sex etc been done to death?
  • Are you sure it’s good?

The questions that really get to you start with “Are you sure” those are the questions that plant doubt within you. . . make you question yourself.

  • Am I good enough?
  • Will I get get published?
  • Will people actually read and like my work?
  • Should I really be writing?

Doubt goes into guilt and then guilt goes into fear. . . and next thing you know you are in therapy with writer’s block.

You need to let yourself know that there will be these people in your life. Use them to keep things in check instead of letting it get to you.

Instead of doubting yourself try to use the questions and making then into goals.

Is it really stable to make money writing a book? It can be, but you can do side jobs or part time work to have some money so you can write as well. You also make money writing. . . there are online contest for short stories or some magazines that take articles.

How long do you think it will take? It depends on how inspired you are and how determined you. Make mini goals. . . like within the first two weeks to have up to chapter 4 completed or a certain word count.

  • Did your editor get all of your mistakes?
  • Are you sure you going to finish this?
  • How many publishers have you talked to?

Just deal it when it happens. I do recheck my and other work, because I am that much of a control freak.

  • Are you sure you want to do this with your time?
  • Are you sure you enjoy this?

You would NOT be doing this, if there was not some kind of enjoyment in it. If you enjoy something, then it is NOT a waste of time.

What is is about? If you have to explain your story; they are not listening or they are confused.

Haven’t vampire, werewolves, ghosts, sex etc been done to death? Write what you like or know, others will enjoy it too. They are cycles in their fads. . .

Are you sure it’s good?

This question is worst question out of all them. . . this is the one that causes the most doubt. You need to break yourself from the haunting voice that echoes this question in your head like a very bad ghost. When you are writing do NOT think about how good or bad it is.

When writing draft one ultimate goal is to finish the work/novel/story etc.

Focus making things better to understand and to read when you edit your work a million times over.

Again do not people like this get in your head, just use them to help your goals and focus.

Confession #5: I hate endings

I hate endings. . .
I hate writing them.
I hate reading them.
I hate when the book is done.

I love the fresh, new beginning. The nervousness, the excitement of the unknown. NOT endings, I hate how all endings are just over.

I like staying in the path. . .  just keep moving.
I love crossroads where you can stay, go back or keep going.
I enjoy look at tunnel knowing there is still a journey a head. I hate the light at the end. . . it’s over.

Sorry, I just finished reading a book. 

You put all of the energy to love or hate the characters and just as everything figures itself out . . . it’s all done.

I’m not saying some endings are bad, some are brilliant. However those who end with leaving me on the edge. This book did that . . . yes I know it’s a trilogy, so on to book two. (I’m done with my rant.)