Camp NaNoUpdate

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression, and it has been very hard on my body and mind. This means my writing has been suffering.

I have changed my project from Family project to short stories. . . If an idea inspires me, then I write it down. Then I just accumulate the word count of each story. I might post some on my flash fiction blog. . . http://rqshortstories.wordpress.com

I am also not pushing myself. (I had one break down and lost entire weekend to depression, reoccurring mono and sleep.)

I gave myself 30,000 words as a goal. If I make it, awesome. If I do not make it, then I can try again in November.

I hope just get some decent stories written, at this point word count is as it is.

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Endings, again.

I’m trying to type up the last chapter on the last novella of my thriller trilogy “Driving Lies,” and I feel like my feet are stuck in the mud.

I wrote about this once before. Actually it was funny, because it was when I was actually handwriting the ending to this exact project.

https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2018/02/16/endings-3/

The thing is once I know this is done, then I have to edit this project. I’m horrible with editing. I’m a writer, not an editor. I realize that editors are so expensive.

I need a good edit before I show an agent or a publishing company.

I think I’m so afraid of rejection from these companies that I am purposefully holding myself back.

Question to my nervous self: What if they really like my work?

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2019

I am writing in Camp NaNoWriMo this month.

I gave myself the goal of 30,000 words.

I am working on a nonfiction piece of family stories.

(However with my depression and anxiety, it may get changed.)

However I have to do everything by hand. My battery charger dropped and is now magnetic and is causing our other units from charging when they are pulled in. So I’m thinking of selling my laptop and getting another. Grrrr.

Camp is no hands on.

I love writing; in fact, I believe it’s what I live for.

However I fight with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and now I am learning PCOS (it’s a female things, I am 90% of all of the symptoms.)

I get easily frustrated when I can’t get all of the things I want to done, because my depression, or anxiety instantly drained me. I would love to use my writing to release my negativity, but there are days were I can barely get out of bed or pick up a pen. (I’m currently in a living situation where my computer and sleep Cpap machine are taking up the same space. I have to take one down to put the other one up.)

Last week, I finished chapter 8 after I had to rewrite it (because I had a corrupted file.)  My depression and anxiety just did not let me enjoy my accomplishment. I just wish I can get rid of the negative feelings.

I give myself goal and they usually get blown out of proportion because something happens: doctor appointment goes wrong, my female issues come up (and drain me so bad I do not get out bed for days) or extra errands. I have learned that at times if I do too much that day, my writing (goals) suffer.

I wish I could focus primarily on my writing, but I cannot until I take care of my health and get a better place.

 

This does NOT mean I will stop writing, but I just realized that things will probably slow down, because even today, I had a horrible migraine in my eyes and the humidity just made it worst. I just wanted to write and I know my family is going to want the lights off. Grrr.

I just hope to post more blogs, short stories, and the last two chapters of third installment on  my thriller trilogy set.

I even made a new instagram account Rebekah Quinne Instagram

My Motivation

What’s your motivation?

What inspires you?

What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning?

Why do you do what you do?

 

I got this from this blog

https://cristianmihai.net/2019/05/25/whats-your-motivation/

(I must give credit where credit is do . . . )

My ultimate dream is to a famous author like Stephen King and Anne Rice. I also enjoy the writings of Agatha Christie. I want to make money doing what I love writing horror, paranormal, and thriller novels.

Writing a book does NOT just happen overnight. Draft A usually takes me at least three months as life does not stop while I am writing a novel. I do argue with my muses and characters and sometimes family members. LOL
(Currently I am writing on a folding table that I have to take down every day. I live with family and I do not have a desk, writing area. It’s very frustrating but I put my frustration in my characters; it helps for fight scenes.)

 

There are days I feel like crap (even today with my migraine this afternoon,) and I still write. (over 2000 words so far)
(As I have posted in several blogs. . . I can make a five course meal, clean the entire house, do all of the errands, paid all of the bills and if I did NOT write, I felt as if I did nothing that day.
When I played volleyball as young lady, I had a shirt that said Life is Volleyball! and in small print: Everything else is just stuff. I feel the same way about writing.)

 

To be honest with my health issues, someday I have to force myself to get out of bed. I tell myself that I get to cook and/or write that day and it helps. (I have made myself rewrite chapter 8 of this current project I am doing, because it’s an exciting, dangerous thriller that I believe will make people want to read all three novellas. I plan to write summaries and cover pieces and post them on the blog soon. Something to look forward to this week.)
I may not be a published author today or the next day, but I believe someday in the future some publishing company will publish my work and sell my books! That thought alone gets me out of bed and typing every day.

I do what I do because I love it. I am writer. (At first I thought I was singer, until I was in college when I found out I couldn’t sing one thing and play another because of inner ear issue.

  • However since kindergarten I have been writing and making books for young authors: kindergarten thru fifth grade.
  • During recess, while kids were playing, I was writing, and I had to use a pencil when the weather would get cold as ink does freeze.
  • My first boy-girl party in 8th grade I was sitting in the bushes writing poetry and lyrics.
  • All throughout high school, I was writing short stories, scripts and lyrics.
    I was always meant to be a writer and I will be popular author!)

 

I am inspired by everything from daily life to simply reading another blog like https://cristianmihai.net/2019/05/25/whats-your-motivation/

(By the way, I like reading their blog. They always a piece or two that pulls my attention. )

Writing Suggestion

First of all, this is not advice, because deep down 90% of people never take the advice when someone gives it anyway.

Secondly, I writing this blog more for myself (self talk), but if it helps others . . . awesome!

My suggestion: Focus on your own writings. 

Do not worry if some self-published writer had 60 novels and three amazon awards.
(It doesn’t make you any less of a writer.) 
Just say congrads and if they have a book give away, read it and see what the hype is. (Note: They might not even be in your genres.)

Write down your goals and dreams and focus on what you want to do for you. 
Be happy when you even get one fan (that is not a friend or family, who would say that you are good no matter what. . . And thank your family for their support and putting up with you. . . you can get cranky interrupted from your writing mode. )
Enjoy the compliments. (Say thank you and focus back into your work)
Use the criticism to help your work. (Remember not everyone is going to enjoy your work. Focus on your target audience, once your figure out who they are.)

Stop comparing your work to others.
Your work is different and your fans enjoy work.

Focus and you can make your dreams come true!

 

Thoughts in my head at 4am

It’s always happen this way . . . it’s 4am in the morning and my brain and my muses will NOT wine down.

It can be any other day when I am not doing anything and they do not want to work either.
However when I have to get up and go to do errands.

My brain just keep going and going.  . . . So many thoughts.

  • Will I ever finish my book if my computer keeps corrupting my files? (Grrr)
  • Why does overheating cause my files to corrupt? (I just do not know why those would even be related. I’m so flustered that I put over a week of work only for it to go to a black screen just at the last line. . . just before I hit save. GRRRR. (I lose a week worth of word count just about 8,000 words, my computer over heated and entire chapter got corrupted. . . GRRRRR)
  • Am I really talented or am I wasting time? (I am torn with this, but then again hours of writing with coffee, soda or tea in my travel mug. . . is my currently bliss. I just would love to be famous or at least Very well known for my written work. I want to be the author if Stephen King and Anne Rice had a kid together. . . I know it sounds weird, but I love both author’s works. I already have three people within the week that are interested in my driving thriller. )
  • Do NaNoWriMo or Camp NaNoWriMo really help? (I mean I push myself for that month to get words in my books, but are they that good? Do I really need to push my novel in so many weeks like Stephen King does? I mean he already has several publisher. . . Why am I even asking myself those questions? It’s my damn anxiety and depression monsters trying to think they are logical, but they are just trying to keep me down so that they get more powerful. Grrrr)
  • Why do I keep getting hit on by guys 50 or older? (I feel like I am the good kid that parents all liked a bit too much.) (It would be really weird the guys 20 years older than me look at me like a healthy sexual being.) Age is a thing to me. . . I would like someone closer to my age. There is a difference between 10 years, defiantly between 20 years. (I mean back when my uncle went to school they had a smoking lounge. Matters, slang, how people look at things all change with time. I have not found anyone 10 years and older that truly understand me.)
  • Why can’t I play Words with Friends (WWF) without getting guys 50 plus who have kids and instantly think I want to fill the void of their dead wife? (I do not want to be a replacement “mommy” while my own body will not allow me to make my own, and the guy my father’s age is having a secret affair with his secretary. I just want to play a game of scramble and beat my highest score of 437. I use words with friends and word scape to keep my brain fresh for my writing and reading skills.)
  • Will I get ever get professionally published? (This does not be self-published to be lost in the amazon.com sea of so-so books. I mean to find a real publisher, agent, and editor on my team to help me sell and promote my book while they have me go from book store to book store signing books while everyone want to know what will happen next in my vampire and ghost series. I need a real publisher and editor. . . I am so overwhelmed. )
  • Will I get a better place and have bigger desk, nicer pc, and cat? (I also want a kitchen, bath tub, and my own recliner. When will this happen?)

 

It’s almost 5 am. . . I think I need to sleep now. . . hopefully dreaming of publishing and getting a nicer place.