I keep getting these moments . . . that hit me like a frying pan to the face. It’s like every part of me is saying “DUH” at the same time. (And usually they happen in the shower . . . weird, I know.)
This was another moment I realized instead of being insecure and fearful and stuck. . . I should write about it. I should write about the moments where fear has me in the throat and I can’t focus. . . I should force myself and write about exactly what is happening. . .
I can write and overcome the fear or let me be a victim and eat me alive. I should not let it be a “Voldemort” (JK Rowling). . . I need to be like Harry Potter and face my enemy, face my fear! If I let my insecurities rule me, I will never get out and live life. I need to overcome those things that find the shadows of my thoughts, and I need to beat the darkness creeping into the hope that I have. I need to focus on the light and positive.
When I am upset, feeling insecure, or just afraid, I am going to write about it. . . who knows I can twist it and use it for one of my paranormal characters.
For example: I am afraid I will be alone. I seek male friends, maybe for more. However I afraid of getting hurt. Therefore I sabotage the possibility of bliss so I would not get my heart broken again.
I tell him yes. I tell him stop. He sends me a confused smilie. He says he likes me. I say it back, but I am not sure of anything, I just do not want to lose the moment. The moments add up, after a few days, I really do think I like him. Do I like him or is it just of the feeling of being liked? He stops talking, I get worried. I start to freak out with many bad thoughts flooding my head. . . does he like others? Am I just a number? Is he who he says he is? Is this all just a dream? Am I really pretty like he says?
Still nothing from him, just silence. . . no ringing sound, no replied message. . . Did I say something wrong? I’m confused. Did he just want one thing? Did he already get that? From someone else? Is he married or with a girlfriend? Am I just filler?
Then he says “I miss you.” It’s like all the thoughts are melted away if for only that second.