I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.
I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley. I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.
However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.
I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.
I had plans for writing everyday and post a bunch of blogs. . . it has not happened because as of Dec 30th circumstances had changed.
I hope to get things back to my goals soon, but for now please be patient with me. (I think I am writing this more for myself than my few, wonderful readers.)
Many of my friends on here have been asking about me. . . I am currently numb. I just helped an ex (who was still a good friend of mine) he had gotten a liver transplant in August and was good until his sudden death a week ago. I am still trying to spin my head around this.
It started with an exploratory surgery and ended 14 days later with my ex (still a good friend) dying of cancer of his new liver, in his stomach, and lymph nodes.
I just don’t understand, I was talking to him, watching him work on physical therapy one day and two days later in tears as they announced time of death.
I had been blocked because I had been busy going back and forth from ICU to my appointments and such . . . I little time to think clearly. Now I have time, I’m just stunned.
I due plan to continue with writing, but I just do NOT know how fast it will be. (He would have wanted me to never stop my writing. I hope that he’ll be my inspiration.)