My next project

I haven’t been on as I have been writing Short Stories.

I have been writing over 7,000 words in the last 80 hours . . . it’s a good pick up from being in a writer’s back from October to January and part of February. However I have so many idea for erotica. So my muses Zoe and Starre have been very busy.

However I plan to write next month . . . doing Camp NaNoWriMo . . .

November is National Novel Writing Month,I’ve won 8 out of 10 years.

I set next month for 30,000 words, which is a 1,000 per day. I believe I can do that.

Now I need to

  • List all ideas I want to work with
  • Cut list down
  • Outline and notes to each ideas
  • Research what I don’t know.

I am hoping to write book of adult short stories, and I hope to sell it.
I have gotten so many positive reviews saying that I am good writer so I hope to make a living with it.

However I will be publishing in another pen name still working on it.

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Muses vs what I want to do vs inspiration

I wanted to work on this dragon story for my brothers. I used Tom tell them stories at bed time. The stories were about Star wars, dragons, Harry Potter etc. Whatever story I made up, I would put them in it. I would make my special effects, sounds and I would add some humor relief.

I always wanted to write a story about dragons and add them in it. . . Bring my brothers to my created world.

However my sci-fi and fantasy muse Luna, is not that loud, busy or strong. . . Not confident as those are not my natural genres. It hard for me to get that genre because I have my head filled with horror, thriller, paranormal, drama, romance, and erotica. (My muses really have been pushing the drama and erotica.)

I guess I just miss my brothers. . . I know my inspiration will lead back if I am truly meant to write it. . . But I can’t even figure out a villain or an outline.

I feel it’s not right to fight it. I’m not giving up, but it needs to simmer in the inspiration pot some more. I learned when I push work, especially writing, I just end up stuck, in a writer’s block.

I’m just going to give my muses a chance to lead me for a while.

Typing vs handwriting

I miss my computer at a desk or computer in bright room. I have a hand written pile of writing getting bigger.

Right now I’m sitting in the dark room with bright tablet, straining my eyes. Its 3:48 am but I can`t sleep. I know I should be sleeping but I fell asleep at 7pm and woke up at 2am.

However I really want to blog.

Anyway lately, I have been hand writing everything. It’s better than a buzzing computer overheating or a blaring tablet. I’m working on a release book, handwritten.

  • I know I need to get into my fictional projects.
  • I have three screaming at me.
  • My muses have been pushing the projects for me. . .
  • I just keep stalling. I’m really not sure why.
  • I know I have health issues, but I’ve pushed through.
  • I know I’m about end one, but that is a blog of its own.
  • I guess I am just distracted, and I can’t get out of my depressed slump.

However right now until 28th I’m trying to get everything out of my head. So I will be hand writing in color pens: a new color for each day repeated just twice.

Distraction #1 

My health issues. . . 

  1. My sleep patterns are off. 
  2. My depression can kill my motivation. 
  3. My anxiety can make focus scattered. 
  4. My brain never stops.
  5. I’m always trying to make myself or someone else happy. 
  6. There times I get stomachs issues or cramps that steal my attention.
  7. I get migraines that are very harsh on my eyes.


I need to see a few doctors and get this figured out. Hopefully. 

It’s my birthday. . .

And I’m writing, damn it!

It is 3:48am, and I’m sacrificing sleep for my true bliss . . . One hour of undisturbed block of writing. It is just my blogs but it is bliss. 

  • No one interrupting me just to purposely step on my nerve. 
  • No one asking if I am ok after I growl at previous person. 
  • No one asking me to cook or make coffee.
  • No one complaining about some trivial thing. 
  • No one giving me a random sports or video game piece of info I’ll never use. 

Just me with my endless head. 

Between lack of comfort, lack of machinery, depression, and no lights on at night, I haven’t been writing. Even now I have a creak in my neck, but I am getting some of my blogs done. 

This weekend my goal is to write three short stories . . . One must be a holiday story

Now I must get some sleep. 

A Personal Note

I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.

I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley.
I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.

 

sonic-the-hedgehog-2-casino-night-zone-boss-robotnik

A lot has gone on within the last six months. I will post more about that on my personal site. http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com

However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.

I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.

th