Stuck in a web of writer’s block

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I had plans for writing everyday and post a bunch of blogs. . . it has not happened because as of Dec 30th circumstances had changed.

I hope to get things back to my goals soon, but for now please be patient with me. (I think I am writing this more for myself than my few, wonderful readers.)

Many of my friends on here have been asking about me. . . I am currently numb. I just helped an ex (who was still a good friend of mine) he had gotten a liver transplant in August and was good until his sudden death a week ago. I am still trying to spin my head around this.

It started with an exploratory surgery and ended 14 days later with my ex (still a good friend) dying of cancer of his new liver, in his stomach, and lymph nodes.

I just don’t understand, I was talking to him, watching him work on physical therapy one day and two days later in tears as they announced time of death.

I had been blocked because I had been busy going back and forth from ICU to my appointments and such . . . I little time to think clearly. Now I have time, I’m just stunned.

I due plan to continue with writing, but I just do NOT know how fast it will be. (He would have wanted me to never stop my writing. I hope that he’ll be my inspiration.) 

 

What Happened in 2016

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2016 was a very challenging year. I felt really stuck and trapped this year, so I really didn’t feel I accomplished that much. I mean I didn’t even finish a book: writing or reading. However I have learned a lot about myself.

Things I accomplished in 2016.

  1. I wrote over 50 blogs in this page. (140 blogs throughout all of my pages).Links to my other blogs
  2. I have at least 15 followers. ( I hope I have entertained and help some follow writers. I also to get more this year.)
  3. I written over 225,000 words ( I know not quite the goal of 500,000, but not bad with all I have gone through.)
  4. I started Book 2 in my vampire series. (However due to some emotional issues; it is on the back burner for a while.)
  5. I have written two diaries this year.

Things I have learned in 2016

  1. I have figured out some of my muses. https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2016/10/19/introduction-my-muses/
  2. I realized that winning NaNoWriMo doesn’t stop the world. It isn’t everything. (Bit does feel good when I win. I’m sad because they don’t work with http://www.createspace.com anymore.)
  3. I write really well in chaos, especially while visiting in the hospital. (I’m even there now.)
  4. I write way more than I edit.
  5. I am more of an adder than a cutter when it comes to words.
  6. I can not write well around who don’t support it.
  7. I was suggested to put my paranormal/horror/occult genres aside for a while. . . (until I figure the source of my depression and anxiety.)
  8. I will still write even though many people think I write too much.
  9. I give myself much more ambitious goals than I can achieve. (for example: write 500,000 words.) I plan to push it down to 300,000 words in 2017.
  10. It has been a very emotional year for my muses and I.
  11. I was easily distracted this year.
  12. I rather edit than clean.
  13. I need to realize that writing is for me. It is a good expression of therapy for me.
  14. I had a therapy book and/or release book before I started therapy.
  15. The people I looked up to were the ones who seem to criticize when I wrote a lot.

NaNaWriMo

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This is the first time in six years I am not going to finish NaNoWriMo. I had 13,955 words.

I had some person issue come to surface, and my novel for (NaNo) is getting put on the back burner. I have been professional advised to change genres (from horror and genre) until I get  my personal issues figured out.

I do feel dishearten and discouraged about it, but I need to focus on some issues and clear out the cobwebs. I will be writing everyday, I was told to which is awesome. I’m just trying my focus.

I hope that next year or even my Camp NaNo I will be ready to write again. 

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I have no stopped writing; in fact, I have been encouraged to keep writing. I will also be keeping this blog going when  I can.

Please keep reading and writing. 

5 minute Rant And Update

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Okay. . . short rant. . . I had two days into NaNoWrimo (3558 words written) and my characters goes it sound better in first person. (Which had changed all of my notes in first person into third person so that I could write in 3rd person.) Wednesday night he goes it sound better and personal in first. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So last night I tweaked all of my chapter into first person. I also add some stuff and got 1300 extra words.
Now I am at 6217. . . just about 450 words away from today word count which is good. It is staying in first person. 

My boyfriend has been seriously helping me. . . motivating me. I have been getting at least two to three hours in to write every evening.

I need to clean my room, and work on scene list for tonight. So far it has been nice, but I still see things happening this month, and I need to get somewhat a head.

Writing Goals Vs Reality

BeFunky Collage distraction

My Writing Goals Vs Reality

I just posted that I want 60,000 to 70,000 words by November 30th. https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/nanowrimo-2016-goals/
When in reality, I am barely averaging 500 words per day.

500 times 30 equals 15,000 words (only about 30%)

My problems is I have many more challenges this year. . .

  1. My daily to-do list (Cleaning, and dealing with the cats, but it takes a good portion of the day)*
  2. Errands: Pay bills, shopping, getting things together etc
  3. Getting Interrupted “Becky, do this. . .” “Becky did you do that?” “Becky stand on your head.”etc
  4. Birthdays
  5. Time with my boyfriend
  6. Time with my friends
  7. And a new family member.

 

*Average to-do list. . .

  1. (Get Up)
  2. Feed Dog
  3. Let Dog out
  4. Give Callie (Cat) her heart med
  5. Give Callie her ear med
  6. Give Callie her pain med
  7. Give Elmo (Cat) his special treat for upper respiratory issues.
  8. Feed Outdoor cats
  9. Sweep bathroom
  10. Cat Litter room 1
  11. Cat litter room 2
  12. Take blood sugar
  13. Let Dog out again
  14. Eat
  15. Errands: (can be up to 4 hours we’re gone)
  16. If home, do laundry or clean room or basement
  17. Help with dinner: cook
  18. Eat
  19. Clean kitchen
  20. Feed indoor cats
  21. (I also can add clean bathroom, pet water, food bowls, replace litter etc at least twice each week)

Then if I have everything thing done

  1. Write
  2. Internet
  3. Sleep

 

I just hope I get energy to get everything done.

My Writing Vs My Health

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Writing Vs My Health

I have several health issues that have me sleeping more and writing less. (Anemia, Diabetes, and Sleep Apnea just to name a few. . .) My sleep have been so bad that I have choked more than once falling asleep while eating. (Even after a full night sleep. . )

I wish I was younger, and I could just fill up on caffeine and write for hours. (However this is the wrong house hold for that, but that is another blog.)

There are times I’m just so exhausted that I cannot focus. There are times I’m sad or easily distracted.
Non writers/artist just do not always understand from hard it can be to get motivated, inspired, and in that writing groove.

Sometimes I’m deep into thought or into my story, and I had no idea first how much time has gone by . . . (That to me is pure bliss!)

Other times, I am deep in thought, and I get interrupted . . . then lose my thought. I get so flustered that it exhausts me. (It happens a lot in the house I am currently living in. It can be frustrating; again different blog.)

There are times I have to focus on writing a time so long it take all my energy out of me. There are times where it takes forever for me to write just a few lines; it’s so frustrating. Then I get sad because I sleep more than write. My depression makes me tired, so it’s a bad cycle.  I used to think that sleeping should be for the dead. But there are times I feel more dead than alive.

This is just one reason why some day for NaNoWriMo, I might write 5,000 words and other days just write a 200-300 words.

I just wish I could get better, so I can write some more!

Introduction: My Muses. . .

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Most people would be put in a mental hospital for having many different pieces of personality. I don’t have different personalities –I am a writer & storyteller: I have muses!

I have given them names and roles

Emma is all drama!!
Chlorine is chaotic craziness.
Emma and chorine are sisters. They love to argue about what conflict the characters are in and what direction my characters should go.

Jack is my male voice also known as Jack of all trades. Me has a loud & big ego or is always studying. If he doesn’t know how to do something; he will study until he is a master at it. He has a big ego and if his ego is bruised, it’s hard to get him to work.

Luna is my sci-fi & horror buff.
Kelly is the scream queen of horror (she is either valley or horror depends on her mood: She likes shopping or blood.)
Mary is Kelly’s younger sister. (She like things bloody. She is fearless.) (There is a reason why I write better at night. . . Kell’s dark side, Luna, and Mary all like to work at night. People at night act different than during the day. That is a blog onto it’s self. )
They work on paranormal and horror aspects of the stories. They like to work on how my characters die, get tortured, and kill. They will work with Jack on fights scenes.

Sandy is my girly girl (sometimes she is not always with it as her head is in the clouds) she is all romance. She would add the softness/gentleness and the romance in my stories. She get excited when a character has a crush on someone.

Starre is has open hippie and easy tramp. She works on the openness in characters and enjoys telling and inspiring the erotic stories. (She has a hard time dealing with stubborn characters.)

 

I’ve been so down (depressed) lately that even my muses are in therapy.  (I just keep having the word “You write too much.” Echo and haunt my head. I just feel I am not in an environment that promotes/encourages my writing. I have had writer’s block since.)

My characters are all stuck because my muses are really confused and depressed. . .

 

Emma is sitting in a chair as if she is at a therapist office talking to air about how her sister Chlorine likes to watch others bounce in a rubber room while wearing sparkling strait jackets. She is also gossiping about made rumors of characters I haven’t even created yet.
Chlorine is binge watching drama TV shows on Netflix, and believing all of the characters are real.

 

Jack has been distracted with books and learning. He constantly has his nose in a book, and is always trying to learn something new. He reads all of the time; in the bathroom, taking a bath, cooking; he has even burnt a meal or two. (Ironically it was a book on how not to burn food.)

Kelly thinks she is at a bar in the middle of the mall in which all of the stores are closed.

Luna is analyzing the sky and hoping to write fanfiction . . . none of her stories are finished.

Mary has been pretending to dig up random graves in a cemetery with Sam and Dean Winchester (supernatural) and Scooby doo gang.

Starre has been pretending to work the corner, but there are no cars.

 

I’ve been trying to get them to work together on my next book, but nothing has struck their interest. I hope by November they are able to work on NaNoWriMo with me.