I was stood up Saturday instead of just waiting for two hours, I outlined part 2 for my book. (Yes, making the best of my anxiety, time, and my Nanowrimo prep.)
So I waited hours for the bozo to not show, and I was frazzled. What made it worst was when I gave him a chance after he begged for it, and I told him it would NOT work with the distance. Then after two hours of waiting, saying he was going to be there, he texts me saying: it‘s not working for me.
So what do my muses do? They nag me to write about it, and put it my novel I am working on. 3350 words later I have a scene to add into my story. I know it’s before nanowrimo but I wanted to write while all feelings were fresh in my head. The migraine was worth the Saturday night of writing.
Thank you . . . Muses (in no particular order )
I like my head it is usually organized and set for my muses.
However with my depression and anxiety and ptsd, it gets very chaotic and messy.
Its hard to find my ideas organized anything.
I’m wondering how my muses are working.
Maybe they escaped to secret haven in my head. . .
It’s been over 6 months and I can’t get my damn computer yet. . . Grrrrrr.
So my generous and patient mom let’s me use her tablet. I love writing stories and blogs like this, but the thing that flutters me more than helps me is the damn autocorrect.
It’s more with chatting than blogs, but it’s horrible. . . I finish typing a word and corrects it as if I don’t know what I am saying. I’m still wondering how it got the word Hitler from my typing the word bible?
I know I can turn if off, but this is not my tablet and it may help others, but it just flutters me.
Unless you are in my head autocorrect, do not change my words, damn it. Besides, you do not want to be in my head.
I know if I was editing my bigger written pieces, autocorrect would make me go insane.
I should be writing. . .
I’ve had a lot of things happen this past two weeks and I should get them out.
Maybe write a short story or two.
Maybe a list of problems and goals . . . Pros and cons.
Yesterday, I got new pens and notebook that are just sitting in the corner just collecting dust.
I just have no motivation, no pep, and I even feel I’m so depressed I’m bumming out my muses. It sucks.
I should just say fuck the world and write.
So far . . . So good. . . I am also at the 1200 word mark. . . I need to write an average of 1500 words per day. I think with all of my blogs, stories, poems, diaries, projects, and my current inspiration. . . I can get at least 1500 words. I am hoping for more. I would love to get at least 2,000 words per day by the end of the month. I am starting with an hour per day and so far I have reach that today . . . hour 1 done.
http://campnanowrimo.org/campers/rebekah1213/stats these are my stats and profile so far. . .
I have goals on this site . . .
7 hours week one.
8 ¾ hours week two.
10 ½ hours week three.
14 hours week four.
This equals to just about 40.25 hours this month . . . plus two extra days.
Day one . . . I am off to a really good start. I will have 1500 words, and I have already been working over an hour.
When I read a book or watch a movie I have to like or be interested in the character. . . These links and blog is all about my experience with characters. . .
I have many fictional/celebrity crushes. . .
Characters I’ve liked in the past. . .
I even had a crush on of my characters that I created named Lyric. Physically he was everything I wanted in a guy, but he was jerk. He only really cared about himself. . . I really want to reedit that book, because I was so stuck on him that my book has a section of him and my main female character Lucy. Lucy was supposed to be with Valin . . . not Lyric. Lucy and I both are draw to Lyric, so I might write a few stories about them or make The Whispering Path into a Trilogy. . . It just depends on what my muses want to do with it.
This is inspired by one of my first celebrity crushes. . . Jonathan Brandis (RIP)
Some links for my Fanfiction. . . (I write when I get stuck with my own work.)
I’m 33 . . . I am living with my family (again, I am very grateful). I just got out of an eight year relationship in which my ex only cared about himself and I got really sick. Then he changed and cheated on me twice and left me for another girl. I went back to my family (father’s side). My father causes more stress and anxiety for me, because I don’t do things his way.
I miss doing things my way even if I had to live with a jackass. I sometimes liked eating at 10 at night or dishes at 3 and playing my music whenever. Making food I want (although the food he is really awesome.) I like buying pop and knowing I still have some. I like waking up when I want and going to bed when I want, because I wanted to do so.
At first, I thought I would want a family. I know now I am not the type for kids (they were pushed on me at such a young age.) I want a guy who loves me for me.
Honestly, I thought by now I would be selling many of my books, going on book and lecture tours. I thought my books would be bigger than Twilight.
I just feel like a failure. I feel like am a mental mess. I have nothing and I feel like nothing!
Overall, I just want to be happy.