I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.
I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley.
I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.
A lot has gone on within the last six months. I will post more about that on my personal site. http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com
However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.
I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.
I am very happy that many people are liking my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Rebekahquinne
and liking this blog. . .
I hope to post a few pieces this weekend.
What is going on. . .
- I have been helping friends with babysitting and remodeling their house when I am not writing.
- I’m also very addicted to coffee.
- However now I am working not one but two projects. They are quite the opposite in style. I would call one an erotic thriller, and the other a bloody epic tale.
- I also am trying to discipline myself to make sure I write something everyday and get to post on this blog at least once a week.
- I’m also trying to read and research more.
- I have been and I still am working on recovering from some personal issues. It’s been a rough six months. I hope to write a story or two from it.
I’m giving myself daily goals. . .
- Excerise daily (whether it’s you tube or just a walk)
- Write something everyday
- Read something everyday
- Eat better
I have read two books in the last 12 days and wrote 9277 words in the last 5 days.
I just hope I can keep this up. I want to get all of the parts done.
I have changed my genre to thriller/ drama/ and adult romance.
I hope to go back to paranormal, but not at the moment.
I hate endings. . .
I hate writing them.
I hate reading them.
I hate when the book is done.
I love the fresh, new beginning. The nervousness, the excitement of the unknown. NOT endings, I hate how all endings are just over.
I like staying in the path. . . just keep moving.
I love crossroads where you can stay, go back or keep going.
I enjoy look at tunnel knowing there is still a journey a head. I hate the light at the end. . . it’s over.
Sorry, I just finished reading a book.
You put all of the energy to love or hate the characters and just as everything figures itself out . . . it’s all done.
I’m not saying some endings are bad, some are brilliant. However those who end with leaving me on the edge. This book did that . . . yes I know it’s a trilogy, so on to book two. (I’m done with my rant.)
Writing Goals for 2017
- I want to write 1 to 4 hour (averaging at 2.5).
- I want to give myself 3 to 10 (20 minutes) word sprints daily (averaging 5)
- I want to finish old projects.
- I want to work on some new project ideas.
- I want to explore new genres.
- I want to get some short stories published.
- I want to write 200 blogs (over all of my blogs)
- I want to write about my depression and anxiety.
- I want to enter some contests. (Including Camp NaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo)
- I know I NEED to edit several projects.
- I just want to write something everyday.
- I want to write more books reviews.
- I want to read more. (2 books a month.)
New Project Ideas
- Adult works
- Blog Prompts
- Story Prompts
- Writing Tips
- Anxiety and depression ideas
- Diabetes project
- Character video project
Projects that I need to Finish
- Love Need Time (rewrite novel idea)
- Hero project (comic idea)
- DWAG (online soap opera)
- College story
- Driving Lies part 3
Projects I need to edit
- The Whisper Path
- Darken Cake
- Many short stories
- Driving Lies Parts 1 & 2
Okay. . . short rant. . . I had two days into NaNoWrimo (3558 words written) and my characters goes it sound better in first person. (Which had changed all of my notes in first person into third person so that I could write in 3rd person.) Wednesday night he goes it sound better and personal in first. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So last night I tweaked all of my chapter into first person. I also add some stuff and got 1300 extra words.
Now I am at 6217. . . just about 450 words away from today word count which is good. It is staying in first person.
My boyfriend has been seriously helping me. . . motivating me. I have been getting at least two to three hours in to write every evening.
I need to clean my room, and work on scene list for tonight. So far it has been nice, but I still see things happening this month, and I need to get somewhat a head.
Writer Vs Non-supporters
It is really hard to write when you live with non-supporters!
I’ve been told…
- “You write too much!”
- “Writing is overrated.”
- “Books are going obsolete.”
- “Stop writing and do something worth your time!”
- “Vampires & ghosts have been overdone.”
- “Your grammar sucks!”
- “Why try?”
- “There is no way you will finish a book.” (This one for reading and writing)
- “You are wasting your time!”
- “Writing is unstable!”
- “You cannot make money from writing!”
- “If you have no money, then you might as well quit mow. You cannot write a book without money.”
It’s hard to win get started when you feel like you are set up to fail. They made me feel like a failure, and like I will never succeed. How do I know if I can climb the mountain, unless I try to climb it first?
This does not help my depression and anxiety that they know I have. I also get mix emotions when they get me a computer with a pen with it, but complain whom I am on it too much . . .go figure!
There is something I have learned (beside my hatred for cleaning) . . . I’ve learned that I can clean the whole house: make everything freaking sparkle, make a seven course meal, serve the meal to lots of guests (which also makes me anxious) and do errands, clean up after those guests, and pay all of the bills… BUT if I did NOT write that day, I felt unproductive!
To me writing isn’t just telling a story to someone:
- It is expressing myself and giving the readers a little piece of me.
- It’s also my therapy as page listens way better than most noisy people.
- It is also my escape and my hope.
- It is my creation.
To those who do NOT support me writing, then you do NOT know me. I’m a good person, and I have been writing for over 25 years; I do NOT think it is a waste. Then you might as well say that all of my education was a waste too, and I think it was not. If you want to drop me, leave and stop supporting me, fine. I’m sorry for lost, but not the fact that you’ll probably be victims in my next novels . . . * evil laugh with lighting in the background*