Inside my head

I like my head it is usually organized and set for my muses.

However with my depression and anxiety and ptsd, it gets very chaotic and messy. 

Its hard to find my ideas organized anything.

 I’m wondering how my muses are working. 

Maybe they escaped to secret haven in my head. . .

Advertisements

Flustered 

I finished my catfish story. (for those who are not sure what I am talking about . . . Catfish is a TV show on MTV in which one long distance couples who are questioning their partner about why they haven’t met, usually get the chance. . . But there is usually a catch. Nev and Max are the hosts after it happened to Nev. )

Catfish is someone pretending to be someone else online or lying about who they are. Catfish from urban dictionary

I believe I was in blocked catfish story. I chatted with this guy for over a year . . . he helped me through a lot, but we lived in different states and we’re both going through a lot of drama in our lives. However one day he calls me up, says see other people, and then good bye. When I wanted answers, he blocked my account. I believe he wasn’t telling me the entire truth about himself and that is why he was catfish. 

So I thought I would get creative and write an ending to try to give me closure. My muses took me through some twists and turns, but by the time I finished the story. . . I was still into him, lonely, heart broken, and flustered. (I really am a writer when pictures and words made fall in love.)

I plan to type this story up when I get my computer fixed as thst it is 25 pages long. (Yes, hand written.) 

I guess I need to look at it this way, he was there when I needed someone, and it made an interesting, twisted, story. 

September to do list 

September 2017 to do list

  • Help mom with a professional letter for a grant
  • Finish reading “Greg” by James
  • Finish my novella trilogy Driving Lies
  • Finish part 1 therapy story The Broken Path part 1 ghost stories
  • Confessions
  • 3 erotica short stories
  • Work on unicorn story online and character sketches
  • Write 3 personal blogs per week http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com 
  • Write one spiritual blog per week http://spiritualbeck.wordpress.com
  • One to Two writing blogs per week. (posted here)
  • Work on fantasy football team
  • Finish my catfish story

I should be writing 

I should be writing. . . 

I’ve had a lot of things happen this past two weeks and I should get them out. 

Maybe write a short story or two.

Maybe a list of problems and goals . . . Pros and cons.

Yesterday, I got new pens and notebook that are just sitting in the corner just collecting dust. 

I just have no motivation, no pep, and I even feel I’m so depressed I’m bumming out my muses. It sucks. 

I should just say fuck the world and write. 

A Personal Note

I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.

I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley.
I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.

 

sonic-the-hedgehog-2-casino-night-zone-boss-robotnik

A lot has gone on within the last six months. I will post more about that on my personal site. http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com

However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.

I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.

th

 

 

Going on in March

I am very happy that many people are liking my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Rebekahquinne
and liking this blog. . .

I hope to post a few pieces this weekend.

What is going on. . .

  • I have been helping friends with babysitting and remodeling their house when I am not writing.
  • I’m also very addicted to coffee.
  • However now I am working not one but two projects. They are quite the opposite in style. I would call one an erotic thriller, and the other a bloody epic tale.
  • I also am trying to discipline myself to make sure I write something everyday and get to post on this blog at least once a week.
  • I’m also trying to read and research more.
  • I have been and I still am working on recovering from some personal issues. It’s been a rough six months. I hope to write a story or two from it.

I’m giving myself daily goals. . .

  1. Excerise daily (whether it’s you tube or just a walk)
  2. Write something everyday
  3. Read something everyday
  4. Eat better