I finished my catfish story. (for those who are not sure what I am talking about . . . Catfish is a TV show on MTV in which one long distance couples who are questioning their partner about why they haven’t met, usually get the chance. . . But there is usually a catch. Nev and Max are the hosts after it happened to Nev. )
I believe I was in blocked catfish story. I chatted with this guy for over a year . . . he helped me through a lot, but we lived in different states and we’re both going through a lot of drama in our lives. However one day he calls me up, says see other people, and then good bye. When I wanted answers, he blocked my account. I believe he wasn’t telling me the entire truth about himself and that is why he was catfish.
So I thought I would get creative and write an ending to try to give me closure. My muses took me through some twists and turns, but by the time I finished the story. . . I was still into him, lonely, heart broken, and flustered. (I really am a writer when pictures and words made fall in love.)
I plan to type this story up when I get my computer fixed as thst it is 25 pages long. (Yes, hand written.)
I guess I need to look at it this way, he was there when I needed someone, and it made an interesting, twisted, story.
I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.
I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley. I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.
However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.
I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.