Updates August 2020

It’s been a while since I really posted.

The truth it’s been a real struggle this year to get any of my ideas out.

I’ve had several projects I’ve been working on with a friend and it was because of him that I even got about 18k written last month.

I also had 30 poems written in 30 days on my short story blog. https://rqshortstories.wordpress.com/

However when it comes to major writing projects. . . I’ve been blocked. Extremely blocked since May.

I have been fighting depression, cabin fever, and extreme anxiety.

My computer is down. (I’m even writing this blog on a phone is data issues. Sighs.)

I lost a good friend to anxiety and depression issues. (My other health issues make it worst.)

The mixture of it all has me fighting whether writing is for me.

However my ultimate bliss is sitting at a table or desk and typing or writing story after story. I love creating characters and making story twists. It’s amazing when the story takes a life of its own and characters direct where they want to go.

I just hope I get my spark back.

Meanwhile I took an editing job. I’m finally putting my college degree to good use. An A.A. in English.

Every time. . .

It seems every time I give myself writing goals something always happens. . .

First nanowrimo I got two weeks of migraines

Whenever I give myself a personal goal, I’ve had . . .

  • family issues
  • mental break down (unrelated to writing)
  • I was in a car accident
  • Headaches
  • Sinuses
  • Depression
  • Hand cramps
  • Sleep issues
  • Moving
  • Female issues

However I always seem to manage to get my main word count in. It is what I want. . .

This month not any different, I have my anemia (from endomentrial hyplasya I know I didn’t spell that right, its a fancy term for very heavy female periods) mixed with my sleep apnea. I slept the last 40 hours out of 48 hours. I can’t think straight or get my process muses. They are sleepy too.

I need to stop giving myself personal goals and simply write.

I’m taking today off to see if I get my mind to work on its own. I’m over 17,900 words, so I’m very ahead.

I’m tired. It’s sleep time.

Writer’s block again, sigh.

Sorry, I haven’t written much, but my health issues vs clueless doctors have me scattered brained.

My depression and anxiety are high so much that even my muses are mentally flustered. They are taking it out on the office too. I think we’ll have to do a mental remodel.

I’ve tried reading other works, rereading my work, watch movies, listening to music, and playing Sims, but I feel more lost and mentally tangled.

I just hope I feel better next month and get out more.

April: Camp NaNoWriMo, again.

I’m writing an adult piece since most of my muses keep pushing that way.

I working on the title.

I plan to publish but not under this pen name.

My goal is 30,000 word by April 30th which is 1,000 per day. Its a reasonable goal with my health.

I’m writing my colored notes and outline now.

Good luck to my fellow writers.

Damn it my hands. . . Grrr

I love to write. The feel of a good pen in my hands as it glides on the page. It invites the words, the color, the creativity.

However my hands have been swelling and cramping for weeks now. I tried water pills, but I sleep and they are swollen again. There are cramps as I write. Pushing down on my palm hurts, moving it too much hurts.

It hurts to hold a pen or a fork. It hurts to make a fist. These damn cramps. I probably have arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome.

I refuse to give up my writing. I felt due my ear issue, I had give up music. I’m not giving up my writing too.

Maybe I can get my computer fixed soon . . . So I can type more.

I’m going to the doctor soon.

Health vs writing

Lately, I have been getting inspiration between the hours of 1am and 7 am. So I get on the tablet or set up the tv table and write. Check out my Short Stories, I did get a few posted. . . My Short stories

  • The more I try for a day schedule, the more my body seems to fight it.
  • My heart burn issues wake me up and it sometimes feels like it is impossible to go back to sleep.
  • Then my eyes strain with the glow of the screen because everyone else wants the lights off.
  • I also have a dry cough that keeps me up all night. I feel like I’m choking but their is nothing there. . . Like I am choking on air.
  • I’ve been fighting headaches so bad, they are migraines and I’m down for days at a time with nausea and extreme pain in the head and eyes.
  • I’m also fighting hot flashes so bad, making my eyes and neck burn.
  • My pelvic area, lower back, and thighs have random pain, and it is hard to be comfortable as I write.
  • This has been fighting against me with getting quality writing.

I just want a decent writing schedule bit why is my health fighting me.

Therapy: Write about it

I use writing as a huge therapy tool. Version a (rough draft) of any of my writings are for me to get everything out. 

There are a lot of things that are illegal in real life, but nothing is illegal if you are bad guy in written story.

I will use my writing to get our feelings, especially frustration and anger.

 During editing, I will make corrections and write for the public, but version a is always for me. 

(Currently, just wish that I can get at least  6 hours of sleep each night or late morning so I can get so decent writing finished. )

A Personal Note

I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.

I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley.
I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.

 

sonic-the-hedgehog-2-casino-night-zone-boss-robotnik

A lot has gone on within the last six months. I will post more about that on my personal site. http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com

However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.

I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.

th

 

 

Going on in March

I am very happy that many people are liking my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Rebekahquinne
and liking this blog. . .

I hope to post a few pieces this weekend.

What is going on. . .

  • I have been helping friends with babysitting and remodeling their house when I am not writing.
  • I’m also very addicted to coffee.
  • However now I am working not one but two projects. They are quite the opposite in style. I would call one an erotic thriller, and the other a bloody epic tale.
  • I also am trying to discipline myself to make sure I write something everyday and get to post on this blog at least once a week.
  • I’m also trying to read and research more.
  • I have been and I still am working on recovering from some personal issues. It’s been a rough six months. I hope to write a story or two from it.

I’m giving myself daily goals. . .

  1. Excerise daily (whether it’s you tube or just a walk)
  2. Write something everyday
  3. Read something everyday
  4. Eat better