April: Camp NaNoWriMo, again.

I’m writing an adult piece since most of my muses keep pushing that way.

I working on the title.

I plan to publish but not under this pen name.

My goal is 30,000 word by April 30th which is 1,000 per day. Its a reasonable goal with my health.

I’m writing my colored notes and outline now.

Good luck to my fellow writers.

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Muses vs what I want to do vs inspiration

I wanted to work on this dragon story for my brothers. I used Tom tell them stories at bed time. The stories were about Star wars, dragons, Harry Potter etc. Whatever story I made up, I would put them in it. I would make my special effects, sounds and I would add some humor relief.

I always wanted to write a story about dragons and add them in it. . . Bring my brothers to my created world.

However my sci-fi and fantasy muse Luna, is not that loud, busy or strong. . . Not confident as those are not my natural genres. It hard for me to get that genre because I have my head filled with horror, thriller, paranormal, drama, romance, and erotica. (My muses really have been pushing the drama and erotica.)

I guess I just miss my brothers. . . I know my inspiration will lead back if I am truly meant to write it. . . But I can’t even figure out a villain or an outline.

I feel it’s not right to fight it. I’m not giving up, but it needs to simmer in the inspiration pot some more. I learned when I push work, especially writing, I just end up stuck, in a writer’s block.

I’m just going to give my muses a chance to lead me for a while.

Endings

I am about to work on a project. . .in which I only have one more chapter to finish it.

It’s a thriller novella trilogy. I started it in 2009, so I probably should finish soon.

I need the tie everything together, and make the ending so big, it’s epic.

My muses already have add on, but I need to finish it before the editing: adding, subtracting, and rewrites.

Chuck from the show Supernatural said “Endings are hard.”

I hate endings and I saying “good bye.”

I so much better at the beginning. However deadlines and pressure have always been the reason why I push the ending. I’m never happy doing it, it just has to be done.

It’s so much better than just stopping. . . Leaving everyone hanging. That is irrating.

My schedule for next few weeks.

  • Reread the last few chapter.
  • Outline main points and tying issues
  • Work on last chapter

My goal is to have it finished by Feburary 28th. Driving Lies will be finished.

Typing vs handwriting

I miss my computer at a desk or computer in bright room. I have a hand written pile of writing getting bigger.

Right now I’m sitting in the dark room with bright tablet, straining my eyes. Its 3:48 am but I can`t sleep. I know I should be sleeping but I fell asleep at 7pm and woke up at 2am.

However I really want to blog.

Anyway lately, I have been hand writing everything. It’s better than a buzzing computer overheating or a blaring tablet. I’m working on a release book, handwritten.

  • I know I need to get into my fictional projects.
  • I have three screaming at me.
  • My muses have been pushing the projects for me. . .
  • I just keep stalling. I’m really not sure why.
  • I know I have health issues, but I’ve pushed through.
  • I know I’m about end one, but that is a blog of its own.
  • I guess I am just distracted, and I can’t get out of my depressed slump.

However right now until 28th I’m trying to get everything out of my head. So I will be hand writing in color pens: a new color for each day repeated just twice.

Distraction #2

First of all is 4:35 am, and I need to get to bed.

However my biggest distraction behind my health issues  . . . is the sims. I love the game because it help for story, character ideas . . . but it let’s me control what the characters do and I feel as if I am god. 

I feel I need control outside of life because my life is chose. 



I grew up witnessing and being in violence and fighting are triggers for my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I want people happy, not hurt or fighting. Sims helps me with it, but it distracts me from my writing and what I need to do. 

I need to limit sims time so I can have my virtual video game cake  and eat or play it too. 

Relations vs writing part 2 

I posted this in November Balancing Romance and Writing . . . 

Summary: I had a guy who I wanted to be my boyfriend for about six weeks, but we are in two different places in our lives. However we agreed to be just friends, and I am glad to have him in my life ( minus the his complaining.)

Most people ( minus my supporting mom and brother) say I write too much, but my friend said it was okay for me to write

I tried to write while he worked, so when he was home, I could spend time with him. I was trying to give my undivided attention to him as I learned in the past that I annoyed others being stuck in my own world. 

The thing is that the longer I stay away from my writing, the less of myself, I feel. . .

I know who I am. . . 

  • I am a writer and storyteller! 
  • I am brutually honest and yet vividly creative.
  • I can not leave the house for days at a time with my head in a tablet or computer screen.
  • I love lists and have scheduled my life around my writing. 
  • I’m a creative mess, but I am a damn good, semi-organized researcher. 
  • I need someone who encourages me. 


I do not need . . .

  • Someone who wants kids. ( I prefer my four pawed babies, cats.)
  • Someone complaining that we had another slow-cooker dinner, (please be grateful I am a damn creative and good cook.)
  • Someone who doesn’t want to be immortalized in my written work, (because a high chance he will inspire a character or two or ten.)
  • Someone who says I write too much. 
  • Someone who says I am too messy.
  • Someone who says I am too moody ( when it comes to writing, I’m not cranky, I’m passionate.)

  I’m not a family originated female. I’m fine with that. I’m fun, positive, talkative, and perky. I’m auntie Becky and I’m fine with that. 

I just need someone who understands. . . I’m a writer. I will not change myself for anyone!

If a guy cannot handle that then he needs to find someone else

Writing vs the Holiday

  1. I love to write.
  2. I love to cook.
  3. I love to bake.
  4. I love to color.
  5. I love to listen to music. (And sing along)
  6. I love to watch movies.
  7. I love to go shopping.

    Most of these are in random order, except my writing. I love to write. It is my passion. 

    So with the holidays, I am always busy in the kitchen. I am making the turkey this year, and I will be very busy Thursday and Friday with my male friend. (Long story, but I’ll explain in my other blog soon. Http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com )

    I want to double my word count for the rest of of Nanowrimo.  I hope I get to 50,000 words by November 30th. 

    I know I have said this before, but I can make a seven course meal, clean the entire house, be on 4 hours of sleep, pay all of the bills, go shopping, and if I do not write something, I feel my day is unproductive

    I know a good meal, nice, and a clean place, feels good, but without writing, I just do not feel accomplished anything at all. 

    Writing for me, even just 5 minutes or 8 hours is something special.

     It is a chaotic, artistic, sweet moment to see my colorful thoughts go from black and white to color again. 

    So I hope I get sometime to write. I still need to cook and hang out with my friend.