It seems every time I give myself writing goals something always happens. . .
First nanowrimo I got two weeks of migraines
Whenever I give myself a personal goal, I’ve had . . .
- family issues
- mental break down (unrelated to writing)
- I was in a car accident
- Hand cramps
- Sleep issues
- Female issues
However I always seem to manage to get my main word count in. It is what I want. . .
This month not any different, I have my anemia (from endomentrial hyplasya I know I didn’t spell that right, its a fancy term for very heavy female periods) mixed with my sleep apnea. I slept the last 40 hours out of 48 hours. I can’t think straight or get my process muses. They are sleepy too.
I need to stop giving myself personal goals and simply write.
I’m taking today off to see if I get my mind to work on its own. I’m over 17,900 words, so I’m very ahead.
I’m tired. It’s sleep time.
I miss my computer at a desk or computer in bright room. I have a hand written pile of writing getting bigger.
Right now I’m sitting in the dark room with bright tablet, straining my eyes. Its 3:48 am but I can`t sleep. I know I should be sleeping but I fell asleep at 7pm and woke up at 2am.
However I really want to blog.
Anyway lately, I have been hand writing everything. It’s better than a buzzing computer overheating or a blaring tablet. I’m working on a release book, handwritten.
- I know I need to get into my fictional projects.
- I have three screaming at me.
- My muses have been pushing the projects for me. . .
- I just keep stalling. I’m really not sure why.
- I know I have health issues, but I’ve pushed through.
- I know I’m about end one, but that is a blog of its own.
- I guess I am just distracted, and I can’t get out of my depressed slump.
However right now until 28th I’m trying to get everything out of my head. So I will be hand writing in color pens: a new color for each day repeated just twice.
Lately, I have been getting inspiration between the hours of 1am and 7 am. So I get on the tablet or set up the tv table and write. Check out my Short Stories, I did get a few posted. . . My Short stories
- The more I try for a day schedule, the more my body seems to fight it.
- My heart burn issues wake me up and it sometimes feels like it is impossible to go back to sleep.
- Then my eyes strain with the glow of the screen because everyone else wants the lights off.
- I also have a dry cough that keeps me up all night. I feel like I’m choking but their is nothing there. . . Like I am choking on air.
- I’ve been fighting headaches so bad, they are migraines and I’m down for days at a time with nausea and extreme pain in the head and eyes.
- I’m also fighting hot flashes so bad, making my eyes and neck burn.
- My pelvic area, lower back, and thighs have random pain, and it is hard to be comfortable as I write.
- This has been fighting against me with getting quality writing.
I just want a decent writing schedule bit why is my health fighting me.
I’m writing Short Stories.
I put my feelings in each one. These are flash fiction but very personal. In the last few year my heart and soul shattered, each of these pieces are my a piece of shattered heart and soul.
I hope to find myself and piece myself together.
I’m posting them on my Short Story blog. . .
Rebekah Quinne Short Stories
I don’t just feel useless and depressed, but now I’m starting to feel hopeless too.
I feel depressed over some mental (not writing is one of them, which makes me feel useless,) emotionally I’m lonely and even my therapy friends are too busy to listen, and my physical health issues.
A friend of mine who has always been very encouraging to me put down my writing. I know not everyone is going to like my work, but he didn’t just put down my writing, but my future hopes and dreams. (Thing is he didn’t base it on my talent, but my lack of connections.)
Writing is the number one thing to my happiness. It has been for years. Why would someone try to bash it?
What a way to start 2018.
First of all is 4:35 am, and I need to get to bed.
However my biggest distraction behind my health issues . . . is the sims. I love the game because it help for story, character ideas . . . but it let’s me control what the characters do and I feel as if I am god.
I feel I need control outside of life because my life is chose.
I grew up witnessing and being in violence and fighting are triggers for my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I want people happy, not hurt or fighting. Sims helps me with it, but it distracts me from my writing and what I need to do.
I need to limit sims time so I can have my virtual video game cake and eat or play it too.
My health issues. . .
- My sleep patterns are off.
- My depression can kill my motivation.
- My anxiety can make focus scattered.
- My brain never stops.
- I’m always trying to make myself or someone else happy.
- There times I get stomachs issues or cramps that steal my attention.
- I get migraines that are very harsh on my eyes.
I need to see a few doctors and get this figured out. Hopefully.