I use writing as a huge therapy tool. Version a (rough draft) of any of my writings are for me to get everything out.
There are a lot of things that are illegal in real life, but nothing is illegal if you are bad guy in written story.
I will use my writing to get our feelings, especially frustration and anger.
During editing, I will make corrections and write for the public, but version a is always for me.
(Currently, just wish that I can get at least 6 hours of sleep each night or late morning so I can get so decent writing finished. )
It’s funny . . . I can list prompts for my blogs, but when I go back to look at the lists of prompts, it just feels like work. Or I am not in inspired.
Then I feel empty, lacking motivation.
It always when I am wide awake.
However when I’m exhausted, almost comfy in my bed do I figure the right prompt to write in my blog. Sigh.
Does this happen to anyone else?
I like my head it is usually organized and set for my muses.
However with my depression and anxiety and ptsd, it gets very chaotic and messy.
Its hard to find my ideas organized anything.
I’m wondering how my muses are working.
Maybe they escaped to secret haven in my head. . .
I finished my catfish story. (for those who are not sure what I am talking about . . . Catfish is a TV show on MTV in which one long distance couples who are questioning their partner about why they haven’t met, usually get the chance. . . But there is usually a catch. Nev and Max are the hosts after it happened to Nev. )
Catfish is someone pretending to be someone else online or lying about who they are. Catfish from urban dictionary
I believe I was in blocked catfish story. I chatted with this guy for over a year . . . he helped me through a lot, but we lived in different states and we’re both going through a lot of drama in our lives. However one day he calls me up, says see other people, and then good bye. When I wanted answers, he blocked my account. I believe he wasn’t telling me the entire truth about himself and that is why he was catfish.
So I thought I would get creative and write an ending to try to give me closure. My muses took me through some twists and turns, but by the time I finished the story. . . I was still into him, lonely, heart broken, and flustered. (I really am a writer when pictures and words made fall in love.)
I plan to type this story up when I get my computer fixed as thst it is 25 pages long. (Yes, hand written.)
I guess I need to look at it this way, he was there when I needed someone, and it made an interesting, twisted, story.
It’s been over 6 months and I can’t get my damn computer yet. . . Grrrrrr.
So my generous and patient mom let’s me use her tablet. I love writing stories and blogs like this, but the thing that flutters me more than helps me is the damn autocorrect.
It’s more with chatting than blogs, but it’s horrible. . . I finish typing a word and corrects it as if I don’t know what I am saying. I’m still wondering how it got the word Hitler from my typing the word bible?
I know I can turn if off, but this is not my tablet and it may help others, but it just flutters me.
Unless you are in my head autocorrect, do not change my words, damn it. Besides, you do not want to be in my head.
I know if I was editing my bigger written pieces, autocorrect would make me go insane.
I should be writing. . .
I’ve had a lot of things happen this past two weeks and I should get them out.
Maybe write a short story or two.
Maybe a list of problems and goals . . . Pros and cons.
Yesterday, I got new pens and notebook that are just sitting in the corner just collecting dust.
I just have no motivation, no pep, and I even feel I’m so depressed I’m bumming out my muses. It sucks.
I should just say fuck the world and write.
I am going to a Therapist. . . I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
I usually write in misery; it helps with conflict. However there are times where my depression is so bad I have to fight with it to just get out bed. . . so getting discipline and motivation to write are sometimes near impossible to me.
I feel currently I am in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, “the casino level” where I am stuck in a valley of the bouncy wedges. You try to get out, but you bounce right back in the damn valley.
I feel like that now. . . I help out, something goes good, I help some more, something gets screwed up and I am back in the damn valley. Grrrrr.
It’s hard to write when I feel personally stuck.
A lot has gone on within the last six months. I will post more about that on my personal site. http://beckyms1213blog.wordpress.com
However I am here because I am struggling, but I count each word, each sentence, and each page full of words a victory.
I really wish I could just write without this damn gray cloud over my head.
I just really feel discouraged. I want to feel productive, but I just feel like an empty drone in everyone’s way. I feel like my pen’s ink will dry up while I untangle my thoughts.
I hope my characters are not suffering like I am.
I appreciate the inspiration and motivation where I can get it.