Thoughts in my head at 4am

It’s always happen this way . . . it’s 4am in the morning and my brain and my muses will NOT wine down.

It can be any other day when I am not doing anything and they do not want to work either.
However when I have to get up and go to do errands.

My brain just keep going and going.  . . . So many thoughts.

  • Will I ever finish my book if my computer keeps corrupting my files? (Grrr)
  • Why does overheating cause my files to corrupt? (I just do not know why those would even be related. I’m so flustered that I put over a week of work only for it to go to a black screen just at the last line. . . just before I hit save. GRRRR. (I lose a week worth of word count just about 8,000 words, my computer over heated and entire chapter got corrupted. . . GRRRRR)
  • Am I really talented or am I wasting time? (I am torn with this, but then again hours of writing with coffee, soda or tea in my travel mug. . . is my currently bliss. I just would love to be famous or at least Very well known for my written work. I want to be the author if Stephen King and Anne Rice had a kid together. . . I know it sounds weird, but I love both author’s works. I already have three people within the week that are interested in my driving thriller. )
  • Do NaNoWriMo or Camp NaNoWriMo really help? (I mean I push myself for that month to get words in my books, but are they that good? Do I really need to push my novel in so many weeks like Stephen King does? I mean he already has several publisher. . . Why am I even asking myself those questions? It’s my damn anxiety and depression monsters trying to think they are logical, but they are just trying to keep me down so that they get more powerful. Grrrr)
  • Why do I keep getting hit on by guys 50 or older? (I feel like I am the good kid that parents all liked a bit too much.) (It would be really weird the guys 20 years older than me look at me like a healthy sexual being.) Age is a thing to me. . . I would like someone closer to my age. There is a difference between 10 years, defiantly between 20 years. (I mean back when my uncle went to school they had a smoking lounge. Matters, slang, how people look at things all change with time. I have not found anyone 10 years and older that truly understand me.)
  • Why can’t I play Words with Friends (WWF) without getting guys 50 plus who have kids and instantly think I want to fill the void of their dead wife? (I do not want to be a replacement “mommy” while my own body will not allow me to make my own, and the guy my father’s age is having a secret affair with his secretary. I just want to play a game of scramble and beat my highest score of 437. I use words with friends and word scape to keep my brain fresh for my writing and reading skills.)
  • Will I get ever get professionally published? (This does not be self-published to be lost in the amazon.com sea of so-so books. I mean to find a real publisher, agent, and editor on my team to help me sell and promote my book while they have me go from book store to book store signing books while everyone want to know what will happen next in my vampire and ghost series. I need a real publisher and editor. . . I am so overwhelmed. )
  • Will I get a better place and have bigger desk, nicer pc, and cat? (I also want a kitchen, bath tub, and my own recliner. When will this happen?)

 

It’s almost 5 am. . . I think I need to sleep now. . . hopefully dreaming of publishing and getting a nicer place.

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My Happy Time

I’ve been dealing with wifi issues. . . so I have time to write and I have no focus, sigh.

My favorite time even now. . . just sitting in front of a screen and getting ready to type.

I loved the time when I was with my ex (may he rest in peace.) The four hours I have while he would sleep (while our sleep schedules were overlap). I would drink my soda or coffee and work on my writings. ( I especially loved it during NaNoWriMo time.)

I wish I could have those four hours by myself at least Monday thru Friday.

I just want to write each day for so many hours and have focus while I have that time. (Currently, I just try to plug myself in to my music and focus so that all those around disappear and I can simply focus on whatever story I am working on.)
It’s my happy time. 

Spiritual: Writing is my Bliss

I don’t normally go into the spiritual element of writing, but as many of you has read, writing is my entire world.

I am spiritual and I have a spiritual blog to explain my ideas and gratefulness and such. (http://spiritualbeck.wordpress.com )

However there a few moments in which I see that my writing moments and spiritual moment cross paths. This is one of them . . .

I like to believe in higher beings, whether is Karma, Fate, God(s), Goddess (es). . . I believe that they know you’re path and purpose. (Yes, believe it or not EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE and A STORY.) It’s very weird when I see that my writing is part of my spiritual path.

I love writing about ghosts, vampires, living vs dead etc. So I like to believe that even my writing will come back to haunt me like a good ghost story should.

I found pieces of my second vampire book. I have been writing this book off and on since 2014, and life has gotten in the way. However it is one of my main goals this year to have book two finished by Dec 31st 2019. My main character grew up in a Monastery . . .  so I am dealing with a vampire who has been fighting a lot of morals. I feel like I am fighting with him, so I can easily get stuck, but I have pieces here and there so many I believe have the book in front of me, I just now need to put it together.

I wrote three parts in 2014 (probably during NaNoWriMo) and I’m now rereading it only see that my main character is going through similar issues that I am. . . I really feel it’s the fate putting my writing on my spiritual path for a reason.

I was going to be working on my Driving Lies, but plans changed now it will be Book 2 of my vampire series, Daris.

I’m just happy to be writing again, in my purest element.

2018 Vs 2019

In 2018 I did the following. . .

  1. Written over 200 blogs
  2. Written over 500,000 words (552, 946 words to be exact)
  3. My computer was down most of the year, so I wrote most of my novels by hand and used tablets for my blogs.
  4. I wrote entire diary
  5. Acoomplished by Camp NaNoWriMo and NaNoWriMo in Novmeber (with gout)

 

In 2019, I want to. . .

  1. I want something published.
  2. Write 12 fanfiction stories (https://www.fanfiction.net/~rebekahwriter13/ )
  3. Write 12 Short stories for Wattpadd (https://www.wattpad.com/user/RebekahQuinne )
  4. Write 300 blogs this year (Links to my blogs here: https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2018/09/04/links-to-my-pages-4/ )
  5. Finish these several projects
    • Crimson Shadow Collection: Book 2:Daris
    • Driving Lies Book 3 Typed
    • Driving Lies Books 1-3 Edit

 

My Nanowrimo process

It’s Day 13 and I am only 41 words behind . . . However my eyes hurt and I can’t feel another migraine forming.

Between the cold weather with the heater, my female issues, dealing with a temperamental computer, I’ve had migraine at four days so far since I’ve started Nanowrimo this year. So only being 41 words behind is not bad.

I sometimes read the pep talk on Nanowrimo, and someone mention that “Writing sucks.” WTF?

It can make you frustrated when your muses and characters are taking you different directions, but writing does NOT suck. If you think writing suck, then why are you doing it? (Maybe you don’t like writing the endless report for work, that your boss does not read anyway, but Nanowrimo should NOT feel like work.)

I’m just so flustered when you want pep and you get blah. Grrr.

Ok here’s pep. Everyone has at least one story that just needs to get out. So stop saying “what if” or “i need to do it” and just write it. (Just like Nike’s theme “just do it!”)

Now I’m going to make dinner and then lay down so I can write more tomorrow.

Determined to win NaNoWriMo 2018

As most of you I’ve been writing is Camp Nanowrimo and this November I’m trying Nanowrimo for the 9th year.

I am writing a seven book series I’m calling Crimson Shadow Collection. There are about 75 vampires and this is the series is about their lives. I have been working on the set-up of this series since 2008-2009 I’m still stuck on book 2 even though I have many scenes for the other books written.

  • 2010 The Whispering Path
  • 2011 Driving Lies Book 1
  • 2012 The Crimson Shadow Collection: Melzela, (on my Rebekah Wolveire account)
  • 2012 Driving Lies Book 2
  • 2013 Driving Lies Book 3
  • 2014 The Crimson Shadow Collection: Daris started
  • 2015 Pieces of me (It was a personal collection)

2010 to 2015 I won each year, writing over 50,000 words (I was with my ex back then)

______________

2016 The Crimson Shadow Collection: Daris (between family drama and muses wanting to write scenes for book 3 to 7, I did not hit 50,000 words)

2017 The Broken Path (My location and exhaustion kept me 15,000 words short of my goal: it’s not finished, but on back burner)

2018 The Crimson Shadow Collection: Daris (I am determined to write and get my 50,000 words)

I’m working Daris again as there are notes, scenes for it everywhere on my flash drive but nothing is together in chapter form. I’m going to put it together.

My Nanowrimo page http://nanowrimo.org/participants/rebekah1213

My Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/rebekahquinne

My Twitter page http://www.twitter.com/rebekahquinne

Nanowrimo prep vs time

I’ve been dealing with sleep apnea issues, (even when I do sleep, I feel like I barely slept. At times I live on 5 hour energy drink shots.)

I have anxiety (I have constant worry and current living situation has me on the edge. I also have what I can zombie insomnia, I can’t sleep, but I can’t focus, grrr. My living situation has me on extremely high anxiety over extreme cleaning in which furniture is to be moved vs timed issues.)

I have extreme mood swings because of this and my painful female issues.

These health issues can get in the way of true bliss. . .writing.

I’m hoping to get my notes organized while all of this cleaning going on. . . Just thinking about it drains me.