Thoughts in my head at 4am

It’s always happen this way . . . it’s 4am in the morning and my brain and my muses will NOT wine down.

It can be any other day when I am not doing anything and they do not want to work either.
However when I have to get up and go to do errands.

My brain just keep going and going.  . . . So many thoughts.

  • Will I ever finish my book if my computer keeps corrupting my files? (Grrr)
  • Why does overheating cause my files to corrupt? (I just do not know why those would even be related. I’m so flustered that I put over a week of work only for it to go to a black screen just at the last line. . . just before I hit save. GRRRR. (I lose a week worth of word count just about 8,000 words, my computer over heated and entire chapter got corrupted. . . GRRRRR)
  • Am I really talented or am I wasting time? (I am torn with this, but then again hours of writing with coffee, soda or tea in my travel mug. . . is my currently bliss. I just would love to be famous or at least Very well known for my written work. I want to be the author if Stephen King and Anne Rice had a kid together. . . I know it sounds weird, but I love both author’s works. I already have three people within the week that are interested in my driving thriller. )
  • Do NaNoWriMo or Camp NaNoWriMo really help? (I mean I push myself for that month to get words in my books, but are they that good? Do I really need to push my novel in so many weeks like Stephen King does? I mean he already has several publisher. . . Why am I even asking myself those questions? It’s my damn anxiety and depression monsters trying to think they are logical, but they are just trying to keep me down so that they get more powerful. Grrrr)
  • Why do I keep getting hit on by guys 50 or older? (I feel like I am the good kid that parents all liked a bit too much.) (It would be really weird the guys 20 years older than me look at me like a healthy sexual being.) Age is a thing to me. . . I would like someone closer to my age. There is a difference between 10 years, defiantly between 20 years. (I mean back when my uncle went to school they had a smoking lounge. Matters, slang, how people look at things all change with time. I have not found anyone 10 years and older that truly understand me.)
  • Why can’t I play Words with Friends (WWF) without getting guys 50 plus who have kids and instantly think I want to fill the void of their dead wife? (I do not want to be a replacement “mommy” while my own body will not allow me to make my own, and the guy my father’s age is having a secret affair with his secretary. I just want to play a game of scramble and beat my highest score of 437. I use words with friends and word scape to keep my brain fresh for my writing and reading skills.)
  • Will I get ever get professionally published? (This does not be self-published to be lost in the amazon.com sea of so-so books. I mean to find a real publisher, agent, and editor on my team to help me sell and promote my book while they have me go from book store to book store signing books while everyone want to know what will happen next in my vampire and ghost series. I need a real publisher and editor. . . I am so overwhelmed. )
  • Will I get a better place and have bigger desk, nicer pc, and cat? (I also want a kitchen, bath tub, and my own recliner. When will this happen?)

 

It’s almost 5 am. . . I think I need to sleep now. . . hopefully dreaming of publishing and getting a nicer place.

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Camp NaNoWriMo Warm Days Ahead. . .

So far I am two days ahead in my writing. I’m 14,100 out of 35,000 (that is my word count goal)

I am currently working on my thriller and it is coming out so easy that today when it got cold, so cold my joints hurt. I took a break. I watched a movie called “Passengers” with Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence. . . It was really good. It showed me that you can write your story anywhere. (You also need to make the best of the location that you’re in.)

writing Collage2

 

My Happy Time

I’ve been dealing with wifi issues. . . so I have time to write and I have no focus, sigh.

My favorite time even now. . . just sitting in front of a screen and getting ready to type.

I loved the time when I was with my ex (may he rest in peace.) The four hours I have while he would sleep (while our sleep schedules were overlap). I would drink my soda or coffee and work on my writings. ( I especially loved it during NaNoWriMo time.)

I wish I could have those four hours by myself at least Monday thru Friday.

I just want to write each day for so many hours and have focus while I have that time. (Currently, I just try to plug myself in to my music and focus so that all those around disappear and I can simply focus on whatever story I am working on.)
It’s my happy time. 

Camp Nanowrimo July Survival list

Every year in Nanowrimo forums they always ask you what is your survival list. . . Things you need to get through the month of writing your Camp Nanowrimo project.

  • Outlines
  • Notes
  • Character sketches

Most of this is my notebooks

  • Colorful pens
  • Tyneol (between hand cramps and headache)
  • Empty notebooks
  • Backpack (so I can take my writing every where I go.)

As I am writing 30,000 words by hand

  • Calendar (for word count and appointment)
  • Coffee with my creamer
  • Caffeinated soda (I write weird hours)
  • Candy or a treat (word sprints can wear you out)
  • Timer or clock for word sprints
  • Mom to go on walks with. . . (Too much writing can strain my eyes)

I’m keeping it simple this year.