Damn it my hands. . . Grrr

I love to write. The feel of a good pen in my hands as it glides on the page. It invites the words, the color, the creativity.

However my hands have been swelling and cramping for weeks now. I tried water pills, but I sleep and they are swollen again. There are cramps as I write. Pushing down on my palm hurts, moving it too much hurts.

It hurts to hold a pen or a fork. It hurts to make a fist. These damn cramps. I probably have arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome.

I refuse to give up my writing. I felt due my ear issue, I had give up music. I’m not giving up my writing too.

Maybe I can get my computer fixed soon . . . So I can type more.

I’m going to the doctor soon.


Muses vs what I want to do vs inspiration

I wanted to work on this dragon story for my brothers. I used Tom tell them stories at bed time. The stories were about Star wars, dragons, Harry Potter etc. Whatever story I made up, I would put them in it. I would make my special effects, sounds and I would add some humor relief.

I always wanted to write a story about dragons and add them in it. . . Bring my brothers to my created world.

However my sci-fi and fantasy muse Luna, is not that loud, busy or strong. . . Not confident as those are not my natural genres. It hard for me to get that genre because I have my head filled with horror, thriller, paranormal, drama, romance, and erotica. (My muses really have been pushing the drama and erotica.)

I guess I just miss my brothers. . . I know my inspiration will lead back if I am truly meant to write it. . . But I can’t even figure out a villain or an outline.

I feel it’s not right to fight it. I’m not giving up, but it needs to simmer in the inspiration pot some more. I learned when I push work, especially writing, I just end up stuck, in a writer’s block.

I’m just going to give my muses a chance to lead me for a while.

Yay, dances, Its finished.

I’m so excited that on Thursday night I finished my thriller novella trilogy called “Driving Lies.”

It’s been a working project since 2011. I started it on my third Nanowrimo.

It was based on a script I started in high school. I took the scenes I liked the best and retweaked them.

The last five chapters of book 3 are hand written as my laptop is down again. . . It’s like a lemon of a car. Sigh. Now my writing hand is swollen and sore. . . I probably have carpal tunnel syndrome.

So I’m giving myself a few days off for some major writing. I think I deserved it.

I’m excited and disappointed that it’s finished. . . At least draft one.

I know I will lots of editing and rewrites, but I feel like my favorite part of the process is done. Sighs.

Now to edit once a week, and a new project.

I just hope get it published and for the rest of the world to read by early next year. I hope they enjoy it.

I have to thank my muses for not shuttingbup or stopping even when I was in pain. I got so much accomplished.


I am about to work on a project. . .in which I only have one more chapter to finish it.

It’s a thriller novella trilogy. I started it in 2009, so I probably should finish soon.

I need the tie everything together, and make the ending so big, it’s epic.

My muses already have add on, but I need to finish it before the editing: adding, subtracting, and rewrites.

Chuck from the show Supernatural said “Endings are hard.”

I hate endings and I saying “good bye.”

I so much better at the beginning. However deadlines and pressure have always been the reason why I push the ending. I’m never happy doing it, it just has to be done.

It’s so much better than just stopping. . . Leaving everyone hanging. That is irrating.

My schedule for next few weeks.

  • Reread the last few chapter.
  • Outline main points and tying issues
  • Work on last chapter

My goal is to have it finished by Feburary 28th. Driving Lies will be finished.

Health vs writing

Lately, I have been getting inspiration between the hours of 1am and 7 am. So I get on the tablet or set up the tv table and write. Check out my Short Stories, I did get a few posted. . . My Short stories

  • The more I try for a day schedule, the more my body seems to fight it.
  • My heart burn issues wake me up and it sometimes feels like it is impossible to go back to sleep.
  • Then my eyes strain with the glow of the screen because everyone else wants the lights off.
  • I also have a dry cough that keeps me up all night. I feel like I’m choking but their is nothing there. . . Like I am choking on air.
  • I’ve been fighting headaches so bad, they are migraines and I’m down for days at a time with nausea and extreme pain in the head and eyes.
  • I’m also fighting hot flashes so bad, making my eyes and neck burn.
  • My pelvic area, lower back, and thighs have random pain, and it is hard to be comfortable as I write.
  • This has been fighting against me with getting quality writing.

I just want a decent writing schedule bit why is my health fighting me.


I don’t just feel useless and depressed, but now I’m starting to feel hopeless too.

I feel depressed over some mental (not writing is one of them, which makes me feel useless,) emotionally I’m lonely and even my therapy friends are too busy to listen, and my physical health issues.

A friend of mine who has always been very encouraging to me put down my writing. I know not everyone is going to like my work, but he didn’t just put down my writing, but my future hopes and dreams. (Thing is he didn’t base it on my talent, but my lack of connections.)

Writing is the number one thing to my happiness. It has been for years. Why would someone try to bash it?

What a way to start 2018.