Stuck in a web of writer’s block

writers-block

I had plans for writing everyday and post a bunch of blogs. . . it has not happened because as of Dec 30th circumstances had changed.

I hope to get things back to my goals soon, but for now please be patient with me. (I think I am writing this more for myself than my few, wonderful readers.)

Many of my friends on here have been asking about me. . . I am currently numb. I just helped an ex (who was still a good friend of mine) he had gotten a liver transplant in August and was good until his sudden death a week ago. I am still trying to spin my head around this.

It started with an exploratory surgery and ended 14 days later with my ex (still a good friend) dying of cancer of his new liver, in his stomach, and lymph nodes.

I just don’t understand, I was talking to him, watching him work on physical therapy one day and two days later in tears as they announced time of death.

I had been blocked because I had been busy going back and forth from ICU to my appointments and such . . . I little time to think clearly. Now I have time, I’m just stunned.

I due plan to continue with writing, but I just do NOT know how fast it will be. (He would have wanted me to never stop my writing. I hope that he’ll be my inspiration.) 

 

What Happened in 2016

befunky-collagewriter1

2016 was a very challenging year. I felt really stuck and trapped this year, so I really didn’t feel I accomplished that much. I mean I didn’t even finish a book: writing or reading. However I have learned a lot about myself.

Things I accomplished in 2016.

  1. I wrote over 50 blogs in this page. (140 blogs throughout all of my pages).Links to my other blogs
  2. I have at least 15 followers. ( I hope I have entertained and help some follow writers. I also to get more this year.)
  3. I written over 225,000 words ( I know not quite the goal of 500,000, but not bad with all I have gone through.)
  4. I started Book 2 in my vampire series. (However due to some emotional issues; it is on the back burner for a while.)
  5. I have written two diaries this year.

Things I have learned in 2016

  1. I have figured out some of my muses. https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2016/10/19/introduction-my-muses/
  2. I realized that winning NaNoWriMo doesn’t stop the world. It isn’t everything. (Bit does feel good when I win. I’m sad because they don’t work with http://www.createspace.com anymore.)
  3. I write really well in chaos, especially while visiting in the hospital. (I’m even there now.)
  4. I write way more than I edit.
  5. I am more of an adder than a cutter when it comes to words.
  6. I can not write well around who don’t support it.
  7. I was suggested to put my paranormal/horror/occult genres aside for a while. . . (until I figure the source of my depression and anxiety.)
  8. I will still write even though many people think I write too much.
  9. I give myself much more ambitious goals than I can achieve. (for example: write 500,000 words.) I plan to push it down to 300,000 words in 2017.
  10. It has been a very emotional year for my muses and I.
  11. I was easily distracted this year.
  12. I rather edit than clean.
  13. I need to realize that writing is for me. It is a good expression of therapy for me.
  14. I had a therapy book and/or release book before I started therapy.
  15. The people I looked up to were the ones who seem to criticize when I wrote a lot.

I’m trying to take things more seriously

Writing-Confessions

I love to have fun and be a kid at heart, but that is not paying the bills.
I like to think that I am pretty professional on this blog.
I try to use my experience and links I find to help others.
I hope to be encouraging and give other effective tips.

However my audience isn’t that big.
I am not sure how much of difference I am making.
I hope to improve that in 2017.
I also hope to get something published next year.

I seem to give myself goals and yet I get discouraged and dishearten from it and usually fall short.

I refuse to fall short of my goals next year.

I am going to try to take myself and my writings more seriously.

2017 is going to be my year!

NaNaWriMo

images-2

This is the first time in six years I am not going to finish NaNoWriMo. I had 13,955 words.

I had some person issue come to surface, and my novel for (NaNo) is getting put on the back burner. I have been professional advised to change genres (from horror and genre) until I get  my personal issues figured out.

I do feel dishearten and discouraged about it, but I need to focus on some issues and clear out the cobwebs. I will be writing everyday, I was told to which is awesome. I’m just trying my focus.

I hope that next year or even my Camp NaNo I will be ready to write again. 

14666266_345827429093755_432161438284113700_n

I have no stopped writing; in fact, I have been encouraged to keep writing. I will also be keeping this blog going when  I can.

Please keep reading and writing. 

Writing Goals Vs Reality

BeFunky Collage distraction

My Writing Goals Vs Reality

I just posted that I want 60,000 to 70,000 words by November 30th. https://rebekahquinne.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/nanowrimo-2016-goals/
When in reality, I am barely averaging 500 words per day.

500 times 30 equals 15,000 words (only about 30%)

My problems is I have many more challenges this year. . .

  1. My daily to-do list (Cleaning, and dealing with the cats, but it takes a good portion of the day)*
  2. Errands: Pay bills, shopping, getting things together etc
  3. Getting Interrupted “Becky, do this. . .” “Becky did you do that?” “Becky stand on your head.”etc
  4. Birthdays
  5. Time with my boyfriend
  6. Time with my friends
  7. And a new family member.

 

*Average to-do list. . .

  1. (Get Up)
  2. Feed Dog
  3. Let Dog out
  4. Give Callie (Cat) her heart med
  5. Give Callie her ear med
  6. Give Callie her pain med
  7. Give Elmo (Cat) his special treat for upper respiratory issues.
  8. Feed Outdoor cats
  9. Sweep bathroom
  10. Cat Litter room 1
  11. Cat litter room 2
  12. Take blood sugar
  13. Let Dog out again
  14. Eat
  15. Errands: (can be up to 4 hours we’re gone)
  16. If home, do laundry or clean room or basement
  17. Help with dinner: cook
  18. Eat
  19. Clean kitchen
  20. Feed indoor cats
  21. (I also can add clean bathroom, pet water, food bowls, replace litter etc at least twice each week)

Then if I have everything thing done

  1. Write
  2. Internet
  3. Sleep

 

I just hope I get energy to get everything done.

My Writing Vs Non-Supporters

banned

Writer Vs Non-supporters

 

It is really hard to write when you live with non-supporters!

 

I’ve been told…

  1. “You write too much!”
  2. “Writing is overrated.”
  3. “Books are going obsolete.”
  4. “Stop writing and do something worth your time!”
  5. “Vampires & ghosts have been overdone.”
  6. “Your grammar sucks!”
  7. “Why try?”
  8. “There is no way you will finish a book.” (This one for reading and writing)
  9. “You are wasting your time!”
  10. “Writing is unstable!”
  11. “You cannot make money from writing!”
  12. “If you have no money, then you might as well quit mow. You cannot write a book without money.”

It’s hard to win get started when you feel like you are set up to fail. They made me feel like a failure, and like I will never succeed. How do I know if I can climb the mountain, unless I try to climb it first?
This does not help my depression and anxiety that they know I have. I also get mix emotions when they get me a computer with a pen with it, but complain whom I am on it too much . . .go figure!

There is something I have learned (beside my hatred for cleaning) . . . I’ve learned that I can clean the whole house: make everything freaking sparkle, make a seven course meal, serve the meal to lots of guests (which also makes me anxious) and do errands, clean up after those guests, and pay all of the bills…  BUT if I did NOT write that day, I felt unproductive!

To me writing isn’t just telling a story to someone:

  1. It is expressing myself and giving the readers a little piece of me.
  2. It’s also my therapy as page listens way better than most noisy people.
  3. It is also my escape and my hope.
  4. It is my creation.

To those who do NOT support me writing, then you do NOT know me. I’m a good person, and I have been writing for over 25 years; I do NOT think it is a waste. Then you might as well say that all of my education was a waste too, and I think it was not. If you want to drop me, leave and stop supporting me, fine. I’m sorry for lost, but not the fact that you’ll probably be victims in my next novels . . . * evil laugh with lighting in the background*

victims_aren__t_we_all_by_graverobberfang-d5ajqhp

My Writing Vs My Health

writers-block

Writing Vs My Health

I have several health issues that have me sleeping more and writing less. (Anemia, Diabetes, and Sleep Apnea just to name a few. . .) My sleep have been so bad that I have choked more than once falling asleep while eating. (Even after a full night sleep. . )

I wish I was younger, and I could just fill up on caffeine and write for hours. (However this is the wrong house hold for that, but that is another blog.)

There are times I’m just so exhausted that I cannot focus. There are times I’m sad or easily distracted.
Non writers/artist just do not always understand from hard it can be to get motivated, inspired, and in that writing groove.

Sometimes I’m deep into thought or into my story, and I had no idea first how much time has gone by . . . (That to me is pure bliss!)

Other times, I am deep in thought, and I get interrupted . . . then lose my thought. I get so flustered that it exhausts me. (It happens a lot in the house I am currently living in. It can be frustrating; again different blog.)

There are times I have to focus on writing a time so long it take all my energy out of me. There are times where it takes forever for me to write just a few lines; it’s so frustrating. Then I get sad because I sleep more than write. My depression makes me tired, so it’s a bad cycle.  I used to think that sleeping should be for the dead. But there are times I feel more dead than alive.

This is just one reason why some day for NaNoWriMo, I might write 5,000 words and other days just write a 200-300 words.

I just wish I could get better, so I can write some more!