I’m losing myself

I don’t usually complain about amazon.com. I love shopping, I have tons of friends who sell their books there. I love shopping and to my wish list. I getting extra things for free shipping. 

However it had been over three years since I have bought something other than my friends books. My brother said if I got prime that we would get two day free shipping, which we learned today was a useless joke. They sent it through the mail instead of fed ex, and it was coming from Florida. Florida  to Ohio on average takes three business day to get there. So why would anyone send it in regular mail? 

My brother was getting video game and I was getting a cord to charge my current dead computer. I have to write this on my mom’s tablet while hurts my hands. 

Then I talked two customer service agents first one said it was lost in transit and then she gave me promise or what I understood, her accent got in the way. They found it at 5 pm  and it was in a building 30 minutes away.  I called the second agent who was easier  to understand  and so much friendlier. She understood my problem, but cannot help until  the night of 6th and said the first agent had no idea what she was talking about. 

I was looking forward to typing up on my computer, but no. It’s my sanity. But no why does all of this crap happen to me?

I feel unlike myself because I can’t write. I mean sit at a table or a desk with my soda, all of my notes, comfy clothes, and my computer  with music.

Back and forth

The thing with having anxiety and depression together is that my decisions and emotions go back and forth. 

One second, I am excited about getting my computer cord, and the next moment, I just don’t care. 

I  feel so inconstant. I try my best to keep my characters as constant as possible. I will even reread my work 20 times over just to keep my character together. 

One day, I will write 20 pages, and the next day I can barely get a sentence together. 

How am I supposed to get projects done when I am not writing every day? 

Tis the season. . . Aaaashhhooooo

It is really hard to work on writing when you’re eyes are puffy and watering like the Niagara Falls. 

They mowed the grass on Tuesday. Then today and Wednesday it’s been raining. My sinuses are going crazy. I’m either watery, nose running or so dried up that I’m getting migraines. 

My writer’s enemy next to writers block, my sinuses. 

If I can’t see, can’t focus, and can’t breath right, it’s really hard to write.

I hope I get my computer cord soon, and my sinuses calm down. 

Current events

Okay on my office  is a bed. . . That is itchy and sheets don’t fit right.

My writing tool is my mom’s tablet since my computer fell out of the window and busted. I have a back up computer, but I need to buy a power cord.

I have my pens and paper. . . They have never let me down. I did have to rewrite a few times, because of rip or spillage. 

My biggest problem is that some days I have all this energy and the next few days I’m down sleeping 12 to 16 hours a day. Why does this keep happening to me?

I’m writing just hoping to finish my novella and work on my many stories I have ideas for.

I finished chapter 6 out 10 on my novellas dances. I’m working on chapter 7 today. 

I color and play games like candy crush and pet rescue saga when I cannot focus on my writing. 

So much vs Sleepy Time

I feel like I am a chaotic tangled ball of yarn. . . I have all of these ideas entangled together. . . and with my not synced sleep or lack of sleep it has been hard to focus on one idea of the time.

All my muses wanted my attention today. . . I got about six hours of sleep in two choppy sessions, but it was enough to seem to have woken all of my muses from their deep vacationing sleeps. Introduction: My Muses. . .

I am happy I do not have writer’s block. I love having the extra time.  I think I am going to make a list and try to work as many projects as I can while my muses and I are awake enough to focus.

  1. Blogs: Personal/writing/Naughty
  2. Letters and e-mails
  3. Novella Chapter 6
  4. Diaries
  5. Finish Reading “Grey”
  6. Work on “foodie” project
  7. Short stories

However I need more sleep than six hours in two divided choppy cycles.

If you need me I will be working on some kind of writing. Yay. raw

Where I have been. . .

Imagine a glorious mansion with a twenty car garage (a driver for each car) and hundred of gorgeous servants… There is a huge dinning room table with a huge spread of all of my favorite foods. There are over three dozen rooms, and it took this long to find my computer in the den. 

In reality, I’ve  been dealing with some personal issues. I’ve had writer’s block, but I hope my reading and new experiences with give me inspiration and motivation.