I’m Not Where I want to be. . .

I’m 33 . . . I am living with my family (again, I am very grateful). I just got out of an eight year relationship in which my ex only cared about himself and I got really sick. Then he changed and cheated on me twice and left me for another girl. I went back to my family (father’s side). My father causes more stress and anxiety for me, because I don’t do things his way.
I miss doing things my way even if I had to live with a jackass. I sometimes liked eating at 10 at night or dishes at 3 and playing my music whenever. Making food I want (although the food he is really awesome.) I like buying pop and knowing I still have some. I like waking up when I want and going to bed when I want, because I wanted to do so.
At first, I thought I would want a family. I know now I am not the type for kids (they were pushed on me at such a young age.) I want a guy who loves me for me.
Honestly, I thought by now I would be selling many of my books, going on book and lecture tours. I thought my books would be bigger than Twilight.
I just feel like a failure. I feel like am a mental mess. I have nothing and I feel like nothing!

Overall, I just want to be happy.


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